I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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