I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
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