Joe is yelling at the trees again.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
