xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I want to fling myself into the sun
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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