if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Randomize
