if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
