so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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