jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Randomize
