this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Randomize
