yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Randomize