You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
