I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Randomize
