There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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