the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
