Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
