If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
