I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
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