ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Randomize
