Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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