i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
