It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
