Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Randomize
