Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Randomize
