i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
