I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Randomize
