totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Randomize
