girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
i think my cat just said my name.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Randomize
