woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
