I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
