She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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