Got a toothbrush?
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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