u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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