then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
