I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
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