I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
its liver damage thursday
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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