I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
