i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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