there's paper in my vomit.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize