He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
3 2 1 whiskey
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
