i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize