remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
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