Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Randomize
