ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Vodka?
Forever.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
You should frame my arrest warrant.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
