just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
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