on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
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