i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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