First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize