wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Randomize
