i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Randomize
