Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
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