people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
