So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
