david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
