he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Randomize
