Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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