Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
