No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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