Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I'm too high and old for this...
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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