Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
