Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize