its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
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