i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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