I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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