i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
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