Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Randomize
