I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Randomize
