I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
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