i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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