I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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