ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
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