I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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